Welcome to Badvertising

I am Jack’s molar teeth. I get pressed harder every day, on a regular basis, because of various people. The feeling a mop has after a rough cleaning, only to be squeezed dry to get rolling again. I feel like the filter that has been just cleaned to separate cream from hot milk. I also feel like the last puff of a cigarette. Everybody wants to smoke it but then it hurts and they curse it for burning their mouths. I haven’t always felt like this though. Consider what I say further my appeal to the ones that matter.

When I entered the fascinating world of advertising, I already saw a mental picture coming to life. The cool creative wing, with interesting people and ideas. The fancy clients and the effort involved in making an ad. What made it more appealing was the fact that it looked like extended college. Folks here wore what they wanted, abused each other relentlessly, hung out with seniors, went out for chai-sutta breaks, played Call of Duty and went on working till late in the night. (The last one is not really college schedule but rather a lifestyle decision I guess)

Gradually, one grabs hold of things and work goes smoothly. I started making a lot of friends. Met many like-minded people in all wings of the agency. Client-servicing people are cool. Some of them are tools but so are some of the creative people. This I have understood and witnessed.

It was then that I reached the point in my career where I could see myself making certain decisions and finally giving my creative suggestion. That was what I thought so, at least. I will cite a very motivational line from an article I just read. Dave Trott is the writer here and he says, ‘We should look at solving the business problem first. What do we want out of this? What’s the opportunity? If we did it that way, we might find the answer isn’t advertising. Or even if it is, it might not be the same old advertising. We might discover a different kind of advertising.’

I did find a very different kind of advertising. The cruel and stringent world of badvertising. Where I heard words like budget and lala client and mandate to name a few. But with great power, comes great responsibility. I was quick to learn the tricks of the trade. I worked with the same propositions, listened to the same feedbacks, signed the same artworks and read the same job-list.

I automatically got accustomed to restricted creativity. In my head, before thinking, I kept the budget and the ‘inn ke bass ki’ parameter in my head. But I felt the pseudo authority slip from my hands day by day. I tried to bounce back with ideas. It was found I have certain flair and badvertising taught me another word. Pitch. 

Working on a pitch, none of the things I said above mattered. Here we needed to think of the radical, the revolutionary. No budget, no restrictions. Something crazy. Something that will get us the business. Then why is it badvertising? In pitch times, I saw a lot of late nights, working weekends and nasty drinking. Anything to get us the business! In pitch times, we got introduced to the biggies. The Chairpersons or the NCDs or the Worldwide Universe and Galaxy-wide CEOs. O bc, yeh hai?

These people I did not understand (still haven’t). See the client is easy to understand after a point. The client, even though stubborn, does leave it up to these biggies for the final decision. The final creative output that needs to go. That decision, that meeting in pitch times by the way, happens the day before.

With hopes and dreams of watching the late Champion’s League match, one ties his fingers together. But after a 4-hour discussion, the verdict is that the route we had been working on is too flamboyant or too aggressive or rather unnerving. We make peace with online streaming and a bottle of merry-go-goodness. Eating ordered food, we spend the night in office with tilted heads.

Stay with me. As I remember and was taught, the golden age of advertising was the one where long copy flourished. Stories were heard and a single ad took like, months to get produced.

I although very less experienced in this field, still believe that ads like ‘fevicol ka jod’, or the ‘men will be men’ ads are really cool and I’m sure everyone is very happy with them. But making stuff like that now is just being above normal. If you don’t have a big idea, you are no better than the guard who gives (doesn’t give) you cabs.

That brings me to the final yet major problem of badvertising. Metal! Cannes aane wala hai! Abey Goafest nahi kartey, Cannes!  

Thinking for awards I have understood is a separate activity, from work. The regular work is shit and there is just so much of it. Even if we stretch our imagination, it’s not metal-worthy. I look at some ads done in other countries. They regularly make a good ad and it wins. Here, an idea is especially crafted for award purposes. You guessed it, with a desi twang. Goron ko samajh nahi ayega na!

You keep at it. In the loo, while you watch movies, while chilling with friends, while you work on other briefs. After a point, you feel disgusted with your failures and think of leaving. You do too. But guess what? It's the same thing all over again, just at a different place.

This is when you see badvertising, all around you. Your friends are talking about it. Most of the ads on TV and radio are shit and the ones on the web are not even advertising. They are a bunch of gimmicks and efforts, sponsored by brands. Print is dying. TV is turning digital. We think less, pitch more. Thinking proactively has become a liability. The biggies are confused and misguiding all who follow. Internships are rising. Employment is falling. People feel the need to party on Wednesdays.

Have you seen that movie 1408? It’s something like that. You think it’s over and the next day would be fine but there’s a brief waiting urgently and a con-call is set at 3 for the new pitch and oh, the NCD is coming to review award work on the 13^th of March.

I walk outside to the balcony and slowly hang around the ledge, looking down. My phone beeps.  A text with the magical words, ‘salary has been credited to your account’ makes me stop thinking this way. I walk away from the ledge hoping if we can turn this back.

Guys, Ladakhi?

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